Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless
acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or
a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there
is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract
cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler
body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional
to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible,
in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach
just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate,
until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when
anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat
state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in proportion
to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither
be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can
only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator
long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket
and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually
take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must
contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion
to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared,
just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture
is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place
Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace
her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse
proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest