Haiku by the Dog

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel. 

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be. 

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts - I celebrate
By licking your face. 

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy - come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 

I sound the alarm!
Mail Fiend - come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader - come to kill -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat - come to kill us -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep. 

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug. 

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle. 

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! 

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - 
Maybe catching cats. 

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do. 

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls. 

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there. 

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating. 

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation. 

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

Haiku by the Cat

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you. 

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt. 

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand
New rule tomorrow 

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning 

Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny? 

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands. 

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head. 

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit? 

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside! 

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue! 

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ... 

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey" 

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?